My journey with this company started in January 2012. I was brought on as a contractor at the most entry level I.T. position I could start in. I knew nothing about the industry I just joined- but I wasn’t new to I.T. and I was quick to adapt and learn. I loved my manager and the team I was part of. They liked me so much that they bought out the rest of my contract- which was not cheap. I was brought on full time in May 2012 officially. My stats were amazing. I did a great job- worked overtime and barely missed days. However when companies do not make the money they want to sometimes cuts are made. In my case my first black folder happened in August 2012.

The 1st Black Folder Situation

Four months after my super pricey contract was paid off the board decided to start eliminating positions to cut costs so their end of fiscal year bonus was better than projected. Cuts where multiple people held the same job title were done last in, first out style. I was the last full time hire in, regardless of my performance, or that my manager at the time did not want me to be the one cut. I was brought in on my day off, sat in a room- where that manager advised me that if she had it her way this wouldn’t be happening to me. We stayed in contact, and we’re still facebook friends to this day. She even helped me land an interview elsewhere. As I was about to accept a job as a Telecom manager on a 6 month contract, she called me asking me to come back. My position was re-created with the company in November 2012. I gave this company a 2nd chance- without thinking it would abruptly end at 2:32 pm Thursday November 9th, 2017… 5 days after my 5th year with the company.

The 2nd black folder:

My Director came into the lab I used to maintain and asked if I could meet. Since I was waiting to start troubleshooting an issue with someone who I knew was running late- I figured I had some spare time. It had been a long time since he’d asked me to meet so I knew something was strange. He made small talk, I updated him on somethings until we got to the stairs. You see our company split in May and the area of the building we were going to has a bad reputation. I walked into a conference room, and there sat one of our Human Resources representatives with the same black folder. I sat down asking him how he was- quietly.  My manager said unfortunately this isn’t good news, in which I rebutted ” I know, I recognize the folder.” He said he had forgotten that I’d been eliminated once before. He couldn’t make eye contact for long. He must have spoken to someone about my last go round because he came with tissues in hand. I refused. I wouldn’t cry in that room this time. Fool me once- shame on you. Fool me twice- shame on me. He shuffled out of the room swiftly- stating my performance once again had nothing to do with this elimination. It’s a real shame they never cut the people with performance issues isn’t it?

The same day aftermath:

There are so many feelings all at once: grief, sadness, lack of self worth, embarrassment, helplessness just to name a few. I was pissed off. All the nights of on call, all the nights of installs, the 60+ hour work weeks… all time unappreciated that I can’t get back. My worth summed up into Four(ish) months of severance pay- for 5 years of dedication. You bet I cried as soon as I go into my Kia Forte. I felt like excuse my language but complete shit. Even though every single person who knows me- knows I busted ass to get things done. I stayed home- but there was no relaxing. The first night was a completely I hate this life fest. Thank god for Scentsy- was my only highlight. I used a bath bomb we just recently came out with, talked to some of my friends and after a loooooong night of tears- I fell asleep. I still have to schedule my appointment with Security to retrieve my personal belongings. My story isn’t over as I still technically am on payroll for 2 more days as well. They say the first day is the hardest. Follow me here to read all about my journey working and coping with job elimination.